So AF showed herself yesterday. I called my RE and they asked me to come in that same morning. I went in and did my normal baseline u/s and the nurse and I discussed the Compassionate Care Program. She was shocked with Hubby being laid off that we didn’t qualify for it. After she came in the room again though, she had two boxes of Gonal-F 450iu’s each for me and said that another woman had not needed these and donated them to the office. I am so very grateful for whoever donated this medicine.
Tomorrow I start my shots. I’m nervous. I thought I would be fine, but tomorrow night is my annual wine tasting event I go to with my sister-in-law and some other girlfriends. I need to take the shots between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. each night and we already decided that the best time would be 6 p.m. because two nights a week I go to school from 6:40 – 9:25 and then another night I bowl 7 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. I’m going to be an hour away from Hubby tomorrow night. I was really hoping he’d be there for my first shot and help me through it or do it for me. Now I just have to suck it up and do it all on my own. I know plenty of women have done this, that does not make me any less nervous about the whole situation.
I go back for my first u/s and b/w to test my estrogen levels on Wednesday, CD7. I am excited because I want to see what progress I will make by then.
Tonight is date night, dinner and a movie. I was all prepared for a quiet evening at home in my pajama’s but Hubby told me to see what movies are out, what time they are showing and pick a place for dinner. I’m not gonna argue!
Tomorrow I plan on working a few hours early in the morning (not mandatory and the work is totally easy as in I can pop a movie in here at work while I do the work). Then tomorrow night is the wine tasting event with the girls.
Sunday is all about relaxing, doing laundry and homework and then we will head over to the in-law's for Sunday night dinner. I was supposed to work but there's a girl that I work with that could use the hours more than I could (at my part-time job), so when she asked I gave it to her (I'm nice like that...really I just didn't want to work).
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A Blanket Thank You
Thank you to the women who donate their unused medicine back to their reproductive endocrinologist offices. Walking out of my RE’s office today with $780 worth of medicine that I didn’t have to pay for was unbelievable, more than I could have imagined. I’m so grateful to women that do this and I know that if I’m ever in the same position I’ll make sure to do the right thing.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Acupuncture
I haven’t really discussed my experience with acupuncture on here that much and thought I’d finally share my views on it.
The first thing I tell people about acupuncture is, “If it does nothing else, it gives me one hour each week where I do nothing but relax.” It’s all about me; I don’t have to be running from one place to another, trying to remember what I need to get at the store, wondering if my dogs need food, etc. There’s no other time throughout my week where I can lay on a bed/table and do nothing but relax and meditate.
My acupuncturist, Kirsten, is a wonderful woman. At first I thought we wouldn’t get along that well, she was quiet and I’m a chatterbox but as time goes on, we’re talking more and more at each appointment. I feel that she is almost my counselor and a shoulder to cry on in addition to being my acupuncturist. It’s like I have another cheerleader on the sidelines for me and Hubby.
We don’t just focus on Infertility at my acupuncture appointments, Kirsten asks how I slept in the past week (Did I fall asleep easily? Did I stay asleep?), we also talk about my appetite, my stress and energy levels and anything else that she may be able to help me fix.
Yesterday, for example, I told her I have been having vivid dreams and I keep waking up during the night (I dreamt of Kathleen Turner for God’s sake! And not in a nice way!) and I’m not falling asleep again very easily. Whatever she did to help me yesterday worked. I fell asleep immediately after putting my iPod down (listening to Linkin Park – Shadow of the Day before bed of course) and next thing I knew, it was 6:00 a.m. and my alarm was going off. I had slept through the night and not noticed my dog snoring on the floor next to me once. I felt so refreshed this morning and ready to start the day.
I know that some people get freaked out by the thought of the needles and I was one of those too. Believe it or not, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Most of the time there is no pain involved at all. The only time I have ever felt uncomfortable with the needles are when they are inserted on the tops of my feet where there’s not a lot of fat to cushion the prick of the needle. Even then, the pain is really just a pinch for a split second.
After the needles are in, Kirstin makes sure I’m warm enough and turns the lights off for me (a small desk lamp is usually left on). For the next 40-50 minutes I just lay there and breathe slowly and refuse to think about anything that may stress me out. Sometimes I fall asleep, but most of the time I just lay there, comforted in knowing that I’m getting a chance to relax.
The following are the places I’ve had needles in my body, the top of my head in my scalp, the spot between the eyebrows, my temples, my jaw line, near the top of my ear, near the top of my chest bone, my wrists, my abdomen, my calves, my ankles and my feet. A few times I’ve also laid on my stomach and she’s inserted them in my lower back and hooked them up to a wire with a very low voltage. It almost feels like a massage when she uses this method.
I honestly cannot say if the acupuncture is helping me Infertility wise, but I know it has helped me in other ways with stress, eating, sleep, etc. All these things can play a part, especially in Unexplained Infertility, so I have to believe it’s doing more good than harm for me. I don’t know how long I’ll keep going because we only have so much money to work with in our flexible spending account for 2011 and I’d rather use it on treatments but I am going to keep going as long as it’s financially possible without putting a strain on our finances.
I’ve found the best place to look for an acupuncturist is through your RE. It seems many are firm believers that it helps out in some way. To quote my RE, “I can’t prove that it’s helped my patients but I truly feel it’s a good idea for you to go and give it a shot.”
The first thing I tell people about acupuncture is, “If it does nothing else, it gives me one hour each week where I do nothing but relax.” It’s all about me; I don’t have to be running from one place to another, trying to remember what I need to get at the store, wondering if my dogs need food, etc. There’s no other time throughout my week where I can lay on a bed/table and do nothing but relax and meditate.
My acupuncturist, Kirsten, is a wonderful woman. At first I thought we wouldn’t get along that well, she was quiet and I’m a chatterbox but as time goes on, we’re talking more and more at each appointment. I feel that she is almost my counselor and a shoulder to cry on in addition to being my acupuncturist. It’s like I have another cheerleader on the sidelines for me and Hubby.
We don’t just focus on Infertility at my acupuncture appointments, Kirsten asks how I slept in the past week (Did I fall asleep easily? Did I stay asleep?), we also talk about my appetite, my stress and energy levels and anything else that she may be able to help me fix.
Yesterday, for example, I told her I have been having vivid dreams and I keep waking up during the night (I dreamt of Kathleen Turner for God’s sake! And not in a nice way!) and I’m not falling asleep again very easily. Whatever she did to help me yesterday worked. I fell asleep immediately after putting my iPod down (listening to Linkin Park – Shadow of the Day before bed of course) and next thing I knew, it was 6:00 a.m. and my alarm was going off. I had slept through the night and not noticed my dog snoring on the floor next to me once. I felt so refreshed this morning and ready to start the day.
I know that some people get freaked out by the thought of the needles and I was one of those too. Believe it or not, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Most of the time there is no pain involved at all. The only time I have ever felt uncomfortable with the needles are when they are inserted on the tops of my feet where there’s not a lot of fat to cushion the prick of the needle. Even then, the pain is really just a pinch for a split second.
After the needles are in, Kirstin makes sure I’m warm enough and turns the lights off for me (a small desk lamp is usually left on). For the next 40-50 minutes I just lay there and breathe slowly and refuse to think about anything that may stress me out. Sometimes I fall asleep, but most of the time I just lay there, comforted in knowing that I’m getting a chance to relax.
The following are the places I’ve had needles in my body, the top of my head in my scalp, the spot between the eyebrows, my temples, my jaw line, near the top of my ear, near the top of my chest bone, my wrists, my abdomen, my calves, my ankles and my feet. A few times I’ve also laid on my stomach and she’s inserted them in my lower back and hooked them up to a wire with a very low voltage. It almost feels like a massage when she uses this method.
I honestly cannot say if the acupuncture is helping me Infertility wise, but I know it has helped me in other ways with stress, eating, sleep, etc. All these things can play a part, especially in Unexplained Infertility, so I have to believe it’s doing more good than harm for me. I don’t know how long I’ll keep going because we only have so much money to work with in our flexible spending account for 2011 and I’d rather use it on treatments but I am going to keep going as long as it’s financially possible without putting a strain on our finances.
I’ve found the best place to look for an acupuncturist is through your RE. It seems many are firm believers that it helps out in some way. To quote my RE, “I can’t prove that it’s helped my patients but I truly feel it’s a good idea for you to go and give it a shot.”
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
BFN
Another BFFN. I was so confident this cycle. I had one nice size follicle on the left side, we had sex on the right days and I took care of myself so well and here we are 15dpo and a BFN.
I'm crushed. I didn't think we'd ever have to go this far. Now I wait for AF and later this week I'll start giving myself injections. I talked to Jen, my RE's nurse, yesterday. She's great. We talked about the Compassionate Care program application and she told me it would be fine to add an IUI to the next cycle. The cost is only $250, which is better than I was planning on ($400-500). I'm just in limbo at this point waiting to hear about the application and for AF to show up.
I drove home last night with tears pouring down my face, I honestly didn't think we'd have to take it this far. I always knew I'd have problems based on the ovarian cysts and the lack of a period, but I guess I was naive in thinking things would work themselves out.
I'm also tired of the advice. It goes beyond people just telling me to relax. I actually had a woman tell me that she and her husband had problems getting pregnant and she has a thing for men dressed in a tuxedo. She said one night they went to a hotel and he was dressed up and it just made her so turned on and she's positive that's the night they conceived and it was all because she was attracted to him...really? Because for the last three years I haven't been attracted to my husband, I just had sex with him to produce a baby. I understand that people don't know what to do or say and may feel awkward about hearing about your infertility but think about what you say or just say something like, "I'm sorry you have to go through this." Leave it at that, don't give me advice when you haven't been through this yourself.
I had another woman I know tell me that I wouldn't be able to know if I wasn't ovulating because I'm not a doctor. Thanks, because the fact that I don't get a period and I know more about my body than her means nothing. This coming from a woman that got pregnant while "on the pill" and then her other two were conceived the first month she tried with each of them. If she said that to me this late in my journey I'd probably have told her to kiss my ass and walked away but I was still young and dumb at the time.
Sorry for the rant, I just had a lot on my chest about this. I was trying to be so optimistic this cycle and now I feel like I'm lying on the ground with the rug pulled out from underneath me.
In other news 26 days until I go to Vegas.
I'm crushed. I didn't think we'd ever have to go this far. Now I wait for AF and later this week I'll start giving myself injections. I talked to Jen, my RE's nurse, yesterday. She's great. We talked about the Compassionate Care program application and she told me it would be fine to add an IUI to the next cycle. The cost is only $250, which is better than I was planning on ($400-500). I'm just in limbo at this point waiting to hear about the application and for AF to show up.
I drove home last night with tears pouring down my face, I honestly didn't think we'd have to take it this far. I always knew I'd have problems based on the ovarian cysts and the lack of a period, but I guess I was naive in thinking things would work themselves out.
I'm also tired of the advice. It goes beyond people just telling me to relax. I actually had a woman tell me that she and her husband had problems getting pregnant and she has a thing for men dressed in a tuxedo. She said one night they went to a hotel and he was dressed up and it just made her so turned on and she's positive that's the night they conceived and it was all because she was attracted to him...really? Because for the last three years I haven't been attracted to my husband, I just had sex with him to produce a baby. I understand that people don't know what to do or say and may feel awkward about hearing about your infertility but think about what you say or just say something like, "I'm sorry you have to go through this." Leave it at that, don't give me advice when you haven't been through this yourself.
I had another woman I know tell me that I wouldn't be able to know if I wasn't ovulating because I'm not a doctor. Thanks, because the fact that I don't get a period and I know more about my body than her means nothing. This coming from a woman that got pregnant while "on the pill" and then her other two were conceived the first month she tried with each of them. If she said that to me this late in my journey I'd probably have told her to kiss my ass and walked away but I was still young and dumb at the time.
Sorry for the rant, I just had a lot on my chest about this. I was trying to be so optimistic this cycle and now I feel like I'm lying on the ground with the rug pulled out from underneath me.
In other news 26 days until I go to Vegas.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Euchre Ladies
About two years ago a male friend from work called me and asked if I was free for the evening. I wasn't but I was dying to know why this married co-worker wanted to know and being the funny guy that he is his reply was, "Oh, what would our spouses think? I can't believe you're contemplating an evening alone with me!" That's Matt. He said all this with his wife, Vicki, standing there waiting for my answer.
Vicki belongs to a group of women from her old church and each month these women get together for a night of Euchre. I was busy that night and turned her down even though they needed a sub, but I made it clear that I would love to be considered in the future. The next month they needed a sub again, so I went along. Slowly I built friendships with these women and someone dropped out (it's a group of 8) and I became a regular. This is a great group of women and I love spending a Friday night with them.
Tonight was a Euchre night and it rotates between our houses. We laugh, we cry, we get serious, we get silly and just have a wonderful evening. I feel so blessed to have become a part of this group and know that I've made lasting friendships with these women. The funny part is that the women are all 12-20 years older than me. I'm the kid of this group, but something draws me to them. They make me feel like I'm one of them, on their level and are good to me. I have some pretty good friends in that group.
Vicki belongs to a group of women from her old church and each month these women get together for a night of Euchre. I was busy that night and turned her down even though they needed a sub, but I made it clear that I would love to be considered in the future. The next month they needed a sub again, so I went along. Slowly I built friendships with these women and someone dropped out (it's a group of 8) and I became a regular. This is a great group of women and I love spending a Friday night with them.
Tonight was a Euchre night and it rotates between our houses. We laugh, we cry, we get serious, we get silly and just have a wonderful evening. I feel so blessed to have become a part of this group and know that I've made lasting friendships with these women. The funny part is that the women are all 12-20 years older than me. I'm the kid of this group, but something draws me to them. They make me feel like I'm one of them, on their level and are good to me. I have some pretty good friends in that group.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm sad
I don't get to see this handsome face when I get home tonight. He's working late and I have to leave for school at 6 p.m....sigh. (And no, that's not me, that's my MOH)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Hello again...
I know, it's been awhile.
We're on our third and final cycle of Femara. I had one follicle on my left side (the good side) that was 19.5mm. Now I'm in the 2ww. We're not supposed to test until next Tuesday but we agreed to test on Sunday, I'll be 13dpo. If this doesn't work we move onto Gonal-F, an injection medicine. The RE just wants us to do TI (timed intercourse) but I'm going to discuss adding an IUI, if we're spending the money on the medicine. But I'm feeling confident that we'll get our next Baby Chick this cycle.
In other news, school is back in session. I'm taking Intro to the Global Business Environment and Accounting I ahem again ahem. It's on Monday and Wednesday nights, so not too rough of a schedule and I am enjoying both classes. I just need to buckle down this semester.
33 days until Vegas. Hubby and I need to get away and it can't come quick enough. Even if we just go and stay in our hotel room the entire time ;-) I'm happy.
I haven't had a lot to say lately. I just feel like until a medicine/procedure works and we get pregnant or we decide to stop, that we're just treading water. I feel that way about my weight too. With the medicines, I feel it's keeping the weight on and I'm doing Weight Watchers just to keep it off. I lose and gain the same 2 lbs. every few days, so at least I'm maintaining.
I promise my next post will be sooner and more enjoyable.
We're on our third and final cycle of Femara. I had one follicle on my left side (the good side) that was 19.5mm. Now I'm in the 2ww. We're not supposed to test until next Tuesday but we agreed to test on Sunday, I'll be 13dpo. If this doesn't work we move onto Gonal-F, an injection medicine. The RE just wants us to do TI (timed intercourse) but I'm going to discuss adding an IUI, if we're spending the money on the medicine. But I'm feeling confident that we'll get our next Baby Chick this cycle.
In other news, school is back in session. I'm taking Intro to the Global Business Environment and Accounting I ahem again ahem. It's on Monday and Wednesday nights, so not too rough of a schedule and I am enjoying both classes. I just need to buckle down this semester.
33 days until Vegas. Hubby and I need to get away and it can't come quick enough. Even if we just go and stay in our hotel room the entire time ;-) I'm happy.
I haven't had a lot to say lately. I just feel like until a medicine/procedure works and we get pregnant or we decide to stop, that we're just treading water. I feel that way about my weight too. With the medicines, I feel it's keeping the weight on and I'm doing Weight Watchers just to keep it off. I lose and gain the same 2 lbs. every few days, so at least I'm maintaining.
I promise my next post will be sooner and more enjoyable.
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