Patience

Patience is a virtue that the good Lord did not grace me with at birth. Being the baby of the family I was waited on hand and foot and babied by my siblings and my parents. To say I was spoiled is an understatement.

So imagine my surprise when my first boyfriend breaks up with me because I'm too impatient waiting on a phone call from him. This was back in the days of pagers (remember how cool it was to have it go off and have to make a phone call?) and I hadn't heard from him so I started paging him with my phone number and "911" to let him know this was an emergency. Well he wasn't allowed to use the phone at work and had to ask to make a phone call to me, thinking something was wrong. Ahhh, that was the end of that relationship. It's okay though, he turned out to be a huge loser.

At almost 30 I'm still working on developing my patience and tolerance for things. I'm a government worker, I'm wired to hate people. I say it once a day at least, "I hate people." I've said I want to move out into the middle of nowhere and it just be me, Hubby and step-son, often. I just get frustrated I suppose with the general public.

That being said, I've done a good job of demonstrating patience and tolerance the last few days with Hubby. Step-son and I stayed home yesterday, he was just plain old sick (woke us up in the middle of the night throwing up) and me, well I started Metformin and it has some nasty side effects, we'll just leave it at that. So we were both worthless to the world yesterday, laying in the living room, watching movies. He finally went to his mom's around 5:00 p.m. and I got dressed and ventured out into the public to get some dog food so that at least the pups didn't starve. Hubby worked until 8:30ish and all I wanted was an omelett. I'm the cook in the house but I don't do omeletts, they end up being scrambled eggs, so I asked him if when he got home he could make me an omelett. I sauteed the onions, diced up some ham, and made a sweet potato hash like this http://greenlitebites.com/2010/10/01/simple-sweet-potato-hash/ and a regular potato sauteed for Hubby (he hates sweet potatoes and he's not that picky so I can't get mad when he doesn't like something). Hubby came home and made me my omelett...he burned it. I was disappointed and usually I wouldn't even say anything, even if I'm sick and that's all I wanted but the disappoinment typically shows on my face and I didn't even let that through this time. I mean, Hubby worked 8 a.m. - 8:30 p.m. and I'm going to be upset that he didn't cook my eggs right? No, I thanked him for making me dinner and sat and ate with him while we watched last week's Grey's Anatomy and cuddled on the couch. It wouldn't have done me any good to complain. It wasn't horrible to eat, it's not like it was charred and after a hard day of work he came home and made that for me. That's why he's my hubby, because he's awesome.

Project Love Dare #1 - Patience

The boys are out of the house for a little bit. I had to send them on their way to the grocery store for tonight's dinner at my brother-in-law's house. We do "Sunday Dinner" with them every week. About 2 1/2 years ago we were over there two weeks in a row for dinner and Hubby jokingly asked them what was for dinner the following Sunday and so it began. We've done all sorts of things like Fondue night, make your own Stromboli, pizzas, burgers, turkey dinner with the fixings, just ordered in fried chicken and pizza, you name it we've done it. Tonight is gyro night and I'm making Paula Dean's Ooey Gooey Butter Cake but I'm doing the peanut butter/chocolate combo because my Hubby lives and breathes for all things peanut butter/chocolate. I'm also bringing potatoes to make carnival fries. We have such a great time going over and catching up once a week with them and getting step-son and his two cousins together.

The dare for today was to practice patience and say nothing negative to my spouse. I've done fairly well so far today considering we cleaned out the garage and organized it, which meant three people on top of each other, fighting over 20-year-old stuffed animals, books, pictures, etc. that were all boxed up outside (side note - I found a package my mother saved for me, which was New Kids on the Block party supplies. Paper plate, napkins, cups and a table cloth...OH EM GEE). It did grate on my nerves but I did well. The day isn't over but I think I'll make it through, I try not to get down on him as it is and so today is a rather easy dare I suppose.

This week will try my patience though and I've affectionately called it "Hell Week". Monday and Wednesday I work both jobs, which means 8 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. - 11:30 p.m. Tuesday night I have a work get together, which involves playing poker with my best buddies and it's only a monthly thing, so I hate to skip it. Thursday night I have acupuncture and then bowl with my other. Friday night I have a work get together (again) but shouldn't be too long because I'm going to a Pure Romance party (hubba hubba) with my sister-in-law. Then next Saturday and Sunday I have more afternoon shifts at my part-time job. I won't make it home before 10 p.m. any night in the next seven nights, and I know I'll be frustrated and want to complain that the dishes aren't done, the laundry needs folded, etc. but I'm going to practice patience and I have to realize he works too, we have lots to do around our home and he's only one person....so am I.

Project - Love Dare

A friend of mine recently told me about a book called The Love Dare. My marriage is far from being in trouble but the idea of the book appealed to me. Looking over our marriage and that of our friends' and families' marriages, I wanted something more, something better. My husband was my first true love and it's been a rocky road but I'm glad we're here together today. "The Love Dare is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love." (From the back page of the book.) That is something I'm not quite sure we've attained in our marriage.

I saw a picture the other day of someone I knew who was a victim of one of my sisters' paths to destruction over the last 20+ years. It was a picture from so long ago he still had a smile and seemed happy. I saw that picture and vowed I wouldn't let my husband turn out like that.

Here's where I'll be blogging about my journey. I'll be starting this on Sunday. I'm still reviewing the book and even though it's a 40-day challenge, that would be impossible for me to do each one daily and blog about it each day. I'm in the process of breaking the daily challenges down and will be doing 2-3 each week. I can't wait. I want to be a better wife and show my husband how much I truly love him.

For anyone reading this I urge you to pick up your own copy of the book and attempt the challenge. As a good friend told me, "If you think you don't need the help, it can't hurt your marriage, it can only help the situation." If you'd like to know more about it, here's the official website http://thelovedarebook.com/

Wish me luck!

Update of sorts

So 5mg of Femara does nothing for me. 7mg, oh it worked out nicely. Nice 18.2mm follicle on my left side, which is the only good side now and so I got my trigger shot, we did the appropriate deed and at 7dpo I started feeling funny. I puked, felt like shit and crashed on the couch that night. Saturday morning, 8 dpo my period arrived. I called the RE’s office and left a tearful message to schedule an appointment. I had such high hopes for this cycle and felt robbed of at least the 2ww where I could just keep hoping and praying to get pregnant.

This past Monday I went into my RE’s office and he wasn’t there, I saw the head RE and he said that one of my ovaries looked polycystic. He didn’t want to start me on any new medications, he just had me do a blood draw to test my HCG (negative) and my Estrogen (62). I also had to set up a time to meet with my RE, which is this Friday. We’re going to talk about the fact that maybe I do in fact have PCOS (which I’ve always thought but never had enough evidence until this point). My BFF was diagnosed with it and they gave her Metformin, she gave me so many good pointers for it that I’m feeling very prepared for my appointment on Friday. I actually feel better maybe having a definite diagnosis and answers to why my body has been so fucked up these past few years.

In other news I’m going away on a little trip with the hubby the first weekend in November. I cannot wait. We’re going to what we in Northeast Ohio call “Amish Country” about 90 minutes south of us. There’s some great shopping to be done there and we’re going to stay at this hotel we stayed at about two years ago with a king size bed and Jacuzzi, for the weekend. It’ll be so nice to just get away the two of us and not worry about a thing.

For the time being I’m spending my evenings at home this week wallowing in the despair that is my husband working an inane amount of hours to bulk up on cash before things slow down for the winter. I miss him. I miss lying at opposite ends of the couch, rubbing each other’s feet while we walk and watch our favorite television shows. I miss curling into bed with him, throwing my leg over top of him and knowing I’m safe since he’s there to protect me. It’ll be over soon, I’m sure and then you’ll hear me crying about how I want to commit a homicide after hearing him breathe in his sleep for hours on end because I can’t sleep. Ahh, the joys of an eternity of marriage.

I must go now and be the hard government worker that I am. Oh, I will be sharing a project in the next few days that I'm going to start. Can't wait to share!