Last few days and some upcoming plans

I didn’t do too shabby the other night at my parents’ house.  My dad makes a pretty good sausage based sauce, but I just had one serving and a small amount of spaghetti to go along with it.  I also had a slice of garlic bread and a huge plate of salad with just one tablespoon of lite ranch dressing (it was that or fat free Italian and I much prefer ranch for a salad).  I guzzled down water, had some apple slices and caramel sauce to share with other people and overall focused on spending time with my family rather than stuffing my face with comfort food.

Wednesday morning I repeated Couch to 5K Week 1 Day 1 (I had done it Monday also) and my eating was not horrible.  I’m tracking with Weight Watchers and My Fitness Pal (more on that in a bit).  I had 44 points (My daily is 35) and earned 8 activity points.  Calorie wise I ate 1909 calories and burned 525 calories for a net of 1384 calories that day.  I made these awesome little egg dishes for dinner.  We had them on our anniversary trip in June at a bed and breakfast and they’re so ridiculously easy.  You put two slices of deli ham in a muffin cup, crack an egg into the cup that the ham has made, then I put half a slice of thinly sliced Sargento cheese (any flavor really) over top.  Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes.  They’re just so tasty and EASY!  My little guy gobbles them up and so does my husband.

Thursday was okay, I was dealing with the shower drain before I was going to go to the gym and by the time I got done, it was too late to go, I knew I’d have about 15 minutes there before I’d have to head home since I had to take little guy to my parents’ house for the day (typically the husband does drop offs).  So I didn’t get in much activity at all and I had about 1900 calories / 46 points for the day.  Dinner was excellent, but I have to mess with the recipe and get the points/calories down.  I made a pretzel crusted chicken that I can’t wait to have seconds of for lunch today.  Here is the original recipe http://www.cinnamonspiceandeverythingnice.com/honey-mustard-pretzel-chicken/

I’ve been contemplating the Fit Bit Flex wrist for awhile now but was scared based on the reviews.  I heard nothing but good about the Fit Bit One, and earlier this week someone slipped me some money and told me to do something nice for myself and so I bit the bullet and bought it yesterday.  I love it!  There’s so much cool stuff it tracks, my steps/miles each day, how many calories I’m burning in general, the amount of floors I’ve gone up, how many minutes I’ve been active, and then at night it tracks my sleep, which I NEED TO BE BETTER ABOUT!  I’ll tell husband I’m going to bed at 9:30 and be up until 11 just screwing around on my iPad and that has got to stop!  All it does is make my mornings miserable.  So I gave up my ActiveLink membership with Weight Watchers.  I just wasn’t crazy about it like this Fit Bit.  Plus, I went to Target (could have saved $5-10 ordering off of Amazon) and for some strange reason they were ringing up $30 off so I saved big bucks on it!

Today was my fourth day eating the same breakfast.  I am in love with the oats, raspberry preserves, cinnamon cream cheese mixture I’ve been making.  I’m going to attempt to feed it to the little one this weekend and see if he likes it.  My mom thinks he’s getting sick of his eggs and toast at her house each morning, so maybe a switch up is in order.

Tonight I’m driving to Pittsburgh to hang with some lovely ladies from my mom’s group and then I’m going to spend the night at one of their houses and I’ll be back home in the morning.  I’ll miss tomorrow’s swim lesson, but that’s fine, the husband needs to take a turn, he hasn’t gone in a few weeks, working weekends and all.  Then my step-son should be home in the afternoon.  He’s coming home because we’re doing our annual candy day this weekend.  So Sunday will be hard for me.  There’s non-stop munchies, which I’ve been good all week, so it shouldn’t be a problem, but munchies at these types of gatherings are bad for me and they’re especially bad the day before my weigh-in.  I’ll also have to watch the wine intake.  Whomp whomp ;-)

Stayed with it today!

Yesterday went well.  I weighed in at WW at 236.4.  I will only make that weight go down from here.

I earned 8 activity points according to my ActiveLink monitor and my final meal plan for the day was 42 points, using up 7 of my weekly points.

Here’s a rundown:

B:  Whole grain toast with a tsp of butter, an egg, a slice of ham and a slice of Muenster cheese (7)

B:  Coffee once I get to work (3)

L:  Pumpkin Sausage Pasta with Roasted Broccoli (10)

S:  ½ an apple (0)

S:  Sargento reduced fat Colby cheese stick (2)

D:  Italian wonderpot (bucatini pasta with tomatoes, spinach and feta) and skim milk (11)  *Added a Johnsonville Turkey Sausage to my meal for some protein (3)

S: ½ ounce of Tostitos Baked Scoop Chips and two small cookies (6)

Tonight we’re going to my parents’ for dinner and they’re serving spaghetti and meatballs with bread and salad.  I need to really control myself there, I can go overboard with my dad’s pasta.

I also made an amazing breakfast.  I got the idea from this pin but made it with just oats, a teaspoon of Sugar in the Raw, a wedge of Laughing Cow Cinnamon Cream Cheese and a tablespoon of the raspberry preserves.  It was so delicious my mouth is salivating, wanting more of it.  I’ve already put it in my tracker for tomorrow’s breakfast.  It was 6 points plus overall and so filling.

I also made it to the gym again today.  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical because I wanted to watch the news and hear about the government shutdown, which just angers me, so not sure why I did it other than I like to stay informed.

Starting over

I've had a lot of stress in the last two months, financially, emotionally, and at first I dealt with it in a good way, working out every chance I got.  Then things started piling up and I had to get my family ready for vacation.  I stopped going to the gym, stopped doing evening walks, any extra time was spent with my ass planted on my couch, decompressing.  I was down about 15 pounds and feeling really good about myself before all this happened.

Well vacation is over and fall is upon us and those things I was stressing about?  They’re not real problems. There’s a someecards that reads, “I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up in my mind.”  Yup, that was me.  The husband and I discussed this last night, how I've been taking it all in the past few weeks and shutting everyone out.  He recognized it, but didn't know what to do, he wasn't stressed about it and couldn't understand why I was (that’s what I DO honey…).

It’s gotten to the point that about a week and a half ago the temperature dropped and I embraced getting to wear long sleeved shirts or sweaters (read: bulky) to work.  Last week I asked some friends who have been successful in the weight loss department what has given them their motivation.  I was hoping that something would spark me.  I got a lot of great answers, but nothing stood out to me and I knew that evening I’d be sitting on the couch drinking my umpteenth glass of Cherry Coke and sneaking a Reese’s peanut butter cup or Chips Ahoy chewy cookie and thinking about how depressed I was that my son will be 2 in November and I’m still wearing my maternity pants because they’re comfortable and don’t hurt my waist.  That STILL wasn't enough to motivate me, what is wrong with me?  Then as I’m sitting here at work, I typed a report of a woman who passed away.  She was in her 50’s and her husband found her unresponsive in their living room from the night before.  She was overweight, had heart problems and had fell asleep downstairs, where she passed away.  I NEVER want my husband or sons to find me that way and if I can do anything to prevent it, it’s getting my weight under control.  I had been looking for a sign and when I typed that report, I finally felt something.

I've been counting calories and points since Thursday and will be starting back to Weight Watchers meetings officially this afternoon.  My weight last Wednesday was 238, but I’ll have an official weight later today after my meeting and go with that from now on.

Here’s today’s meals and snacks:
B:  Whole grain toast with a tsp of butter, an egg, a slice of ham and a slice of Muenster cheese (7)

B:  Coffee once I get to work (3)

L:  Pumpkin Sausage Pasta with Roasted Broccoli (10)

S:  ½ an apple (0)

S:  Sargento reduced fat Colby cheese stick (2)

S:  Hard boiled egg (2)

D:  Italian wonderpot (bucatini pasta with tomatoes, spinach and feta) and skim milk (11)

I get 35 points per day and that equals 35 points.

I also worked out today, jogging and walking intervals for 30 minutes at the gym.
That’s all for now!

Hello again...

I know, it's been awhile.



We're on our third and final cycle of Femara. I had one follicle on my left side (the good side) that was 19.5mm. Now I'm in the 2ww. We're not supposed to test until next Tuesday but we agreed to test on Sunday, I'll be 13dpo. If this doesn't work we move onto Gonal-F, an injection medicine. The RE just wants us to do TI (timed intercourse) but I'm going to discuss adding an IUI, if we're spending the money on the medicine. But I'm feeling confident that we'll get our next Baby Chick this cycle.



In other news, school is back in session. I'm taking Intro to the Global Business Environment and Accounting I ahem again ahem. It's on Monday and Wednesday nights, so not too rough of a schedule and I am enjoying both classes. I just need to buckle down this semester.

33 days until Vegas. Hubby and I need to get away and it can't come quick enough. Even if we just go and stay in our hotel room the entire time ;-) I'm happy.

I haven't had a lot to say lately. I just feel like until a medicine/procedure works and we get pregnant or we decide to stop, that we're just treading water. I feel that way about my weight too. With the medicines, I feel it's keeping the weight on and I'm doing Weight Watchers just to keep it off. I lose and gain the same 2 lbs. every few days, so at least I'm maintaining.

I promise my next post will be sooner and more enjoyable.

It's been awhile!

I'm a bad blogger, I know. It's just been a rough go the past few months. I'm not doing too hot on the weight thing, I'm back up to 213. Never thought I'd see that number this morning. The first month on Clomid with the RE and doing the trigger shot was a bust. I'm thinking this month is a bust too. I've been bleeding for 28 days except of course the CD16 & CD17 where I got my trigger shot and was happy for a day afterwards. Then on our drive to Florida for spring break I started spotting. So today marks CD28 and I haven't seen anything yet to say that I still have AF, it usually isn't prominent first thing in the morning, it takes a few hours to show up, then is here for the remainder of the day.

I have a consult with my RE tomorrow. We're going to discuss other options, from what the nurse said a few weeks ago they want to move onto injectibles. I had my trigger shot 12 days ago. So they wanted me to take a pregnancy test before coming in for the consult tomorrow but I'm not going to bother since I bled this entire month.

Here's a story I shared with my BFF thinking this may be the cycle for me...
Okay, so I'm really weird with dates and numbers, like I always play games with numbers in my head and I remember weird dates.

Our dating anniversary is 2/25 and you would not believe how many people have that for a birthday when I'm entering tickets or arrest reports or whatever at work. I notice it all the time. So one day I thought to myself that maybe I just notice it because it has significance to me. So I picked out a date to see how often it comes up when I do paperwork at work. I chose 12/16 and I NEVER SEE IT. But I think about it all the time when I'm entering stuff.

IF I do okay, get my trigger shot and O at Thursday's appointment and get pregnant, my due date will be 12/16/10.

But now that I shared this with you and shared it with hubby earlier today (he said I'm just plain crazy) I've probably jinxed myself.

But I'm back on the WW wagon now, I really think my weight is what is keeping me from O'ing and if I can lose some and get healthier, than I may just be able to get pregnant myself instead of pumping hormones into my body all the damn time.

This week is rough, school, working extra at part-time job, and working at full-time job. I have tons of homework coming up due for one of my classes, but next week I'd like to get back into running.

I ordered some dresses online for hubby's cousin's wedding in May. They are gorgeous and I can't decide which one. I only ordered the second one becuase the first one looked like it may have too much "white" in it, but I couldn't tell if it was white or cream online, colors are so deceiving on the computer. Well so I ordered a black dress with a white trim on the shoulders and a sash on it, just as a backup. Well the dress I was so worried about turned out to be a tan color, it looks fabulous, but then I tried the other one on just for funsies and it looks great too. So hubby said he likes the tan one and I agree but I'm going to take them to the in-law's this weekend and have my SIL and neice give their opinions.

54 Points

That's what I ate in one day! WTF. I've never considered myself an emotional eater until now. Yesterday just got to me, I have a coworker who I don't get along with and I let her get to me yesterday, which I don't normally do. It's hard to sit here and work and pick up her slack while she takes personal call after personal call and doesn't do shit at her desk. Ahhh, the glory of being a government worker where no one gets fired for doing a shitty job. If I stay late one more time this week working late for free, hubby is going to kill me. So I'm not letting it get to me today, I'm out of here at 4:30 and that's that!

On to my gluttonous part of the day...
I started the day off nicely with a Jimmy Dean light breakfast sandwich (5)
Coffee sounded good, add some creamer and a tiny bit of sugar (3)

I had a great lunch packed of ham/spinach/cheese/couscous already to go. Then my evil boss suggested we get lunch, she of course can eat anything and is thin! We settled on Chipotle. I got my usual chicken burrito bowl with corn salsa, cheese and chips. I gave half the chips to a coworker with some salsa and used the rest in my bowl (17)

I got home and didn't have a plan for dinner, I have meal plans the rest of the week but didn't last night because I was supposed to go to dinner with a friend, she bailed on me, so I stayed home with hubby. Before he got home I ate a few handfuls of Cool Ranch Doritos (5.5)...fuck, it was a 57 point day, there was a fudge round (3) that I didn't include...sigh.

When hubby got home we had Totino's pizzas. Of course I had to have one all by myself and I need milk with it, I don't know why but pizza and milk go together for me (18.5). Along with that there was some buttered egg noodles from Sunday night dinner that hubby was eating. They looked tasty so I had a bowl (4).

This was all by 6:00 p.m.!!!!!

I tried to keep busy but during Biggest Loser I ended up heating up a bag of popcorn (1) to get me through it and brushed my teeth as soon as I was done so that I wouldn't snack anymore.


Now, the old me would have just forgotten about yesterday and started over today. I even thought about doing it still. But I remembered how good it felt to see a loss this week and I want that again. So I tracked it all and am down to 1 WP left and so far I will only earn 1 AP this week with my bowling night tomorrow night.

I weighed myself (yes, I do it all the time) and expected ~3lbs worth of sodium to be taking residency in my body after all the crap I ate yesterday but I was actually down 1.5 lbs from the day before. I know the number on the scale shouldn't be such a decision maker for me but it does help to know I can screw up and it's not going to ruin everything. I can screw up and not feel like I might as well give up for the week, which was the old me.

I received my trigger shot in the mail yesterday. The way my RE works is they have the pharmacy call me directly, I pay for it or give my insurance (ha, like they'd pay for that) and they mail it to me. Came in one day by priority mail all neatly wrapped up. I have it sitting very safely away from any puppies until I can take it in next week and give it to my doctor.

I really hope this works this month but I'm going to be honest here. This is a little embarrassing. A girlfriend talked me into having one of those Roxie readings. I don't believe in psychics but she talked me into it (I suck when it comes to peer pressure). Roxie said she saw the month of December and a boy. Now the month can be the month you conceive in, find out in or the month you're due. If we get pregnant this cycle it will be an early November baby. If we get pregnant next cycle or the cycle after that it will be a December baby. I can't help but wonder if I'm not meant to get a BFP this month but that it will come in the next two cycles. I did get pregnant (and miscarried) a little over a year ago and that involved nothing cycle 1, O'ing cycle 2 and getting pregnant cycle 3. So who knows. I don't take much stock in psychics and that crazy shit but it's a looming thought I suppose.

I'm a loser

Well in weight loss, I lost 2.2 lbs this week. Not as much as I hoped but I'm still awaiting AF and my work pants were TIGHT this morning, so I'm sure she's almost here and maybe I'll see more of a loss next week from this gain from TOM. Weekend was so-so. Friday night I made Island Chicken with rice pilaf and a mango/canteloupe salsa. It was delish. Then I needed to escape for a bit so I went to the gym to do my run for the day. That felt good. Saturday was spent cleaning the house and I did the Shred. I had to work Saturday night though, so not in the mood to work all the time lately, I'm just burned out from the two jobs lately.

Sunday was more of the same but I went to the gym to get my run in while the boys went on a driving lesson, then they came back to the gym and we ate Subway for lunch. I had to work again last night, I'm just feeling so much animosity towards working lately. I need to get over it, it's not like I'm going to become independently wealthy anytime soon.

Didn't go grocery shopping for the week like I normally do and won't be able to until tomorrow night as I have yoga and school tonight. So this morning it was the last english muffin (I just bought a 6-pack Saturday...it's hard living with boys who can eat whatever they want) with some Laughing Cow garlic cheese and coffee for breakfast and for lunch it was a Smart Ones and yogurt. Not good nutrition wise but I'm staying within my points and I have 100-calorie popcorn for a snack this afternoon if I get to the point where I think I'm going to die...this happens sometimes, lol.

Lunch hour is almst over and my homework is not done for tonight, hawt. I should get back to it.

Chugging along

This week hasn't been too bad in the weight loss area. I've done well with my points. Tuesday night I had to come up with a dinner as some plans fell through. I made hubby an italian burger patty melt, just mixed seasonings in with the beef, cooked it, put it between bread with cheese and toasted it like grilled cheese, he was happy. I on the otherhand have been craving fish. So I made a healthier version of Rachael Ray's margarita fish, knowing I had some limes, tequila and tilapia at home. It was okay, it is going to need some tweaking.

I'm on my Provera and my last pill is 01/24/10, this Sunday, so I should start AF sometime next week. Can't wait to start the baby-making again!

I'm trying to get more plain water in today. I've been downing the Crystal Light like crazy.

Workouts have been good this week:
Monday - Jogged/walked
Tuesday - Elliptical on lunch hour/30-day Shred (Jillian Michaels DVD) in the evening
Wednesday - Jogged/walked

I'm doing the couch potato to 5k and the last stint of running (I'm in week 2) I gave it my all. I thought I was going to fall over from a heart attack afterwards but then I felt so much better knowing I'd worked hard at it. I went home and had an apple with PB2 on it, milk and a few baked ruffles. Hubby and I just spent the rest of the night playing Words on our iPods and watched part of the Biggest Loser, couldn't stay up and watch the whole thing, so I just paused and hopefully we can watch it tonight.

Vampire Diaries is back on tonight! Yes! I'm obsessed, never read the books but Stefan and Damian are a couple of hot ass brother vampires.

I was never one for being committed to a show but I have a ton this year, I don't get it.

Gossip Girl
90210
Melrose Place
Vampire Diaries
Grey's Anatomy
How I Met Your Mother (just became a recent fan and bought seasons 1-3 on sale at Best Buy for $14.99 each thank you)


Alright, I must do some work, I'm just rambling away at this point. Toodles.

So far so good!

The last few days have gone pretty well. I've made healthier choices for meals and followed my points. I feel better and hope to continue this. I also started back on prenatal vitamins to get my body geared up for baby-making later this month or next month.

Monday I missed my yoga class though because of the damn windshield needing replaced. But I made up for it yesterday, got in a great run and lots of walking last night. Also spent some quality time with hubby in the evening (which we don't do enough of). We watched trash television and enjoyed every last minute of making fun of those people. Well at least the hoochy mama's on The Bachelor. Wow. We also watched The Biggest Loser, which we always do, and of course I teared up a few times (lame, I know), I don't know what is up with my emotions lately!?!?!? We cleaned, ate dinner and then I went to the gym to get my workout in.

Tonight, more of the same. The beginner's yoga class isn't until 6:15, but I'm going to go there after work and walk on the treadmill until it's time. I figure if I go home first I'll be more likely to just say forget about it, with all the snow and freezing rain we're getting today.

Next week I start classes, so I'm worried I won't find the time but I'm trying my hardest to make sure I still go, this is about making sure I'm healthy and my body is ready for a baby, so it's just as important as school to me. I will be going to school on Monday nights from 6:40 - 10:40 and Wednesdays from 6:40 - 7:55, so I can still make the Intro Yoga class (really an all levels where they introduce new poses each month) from 5-6 and then change and head to class on Mondays. Wednesdays I won't be able to but there's a class on Friday's when I'm free and of course the regular Saturday morning that I enjoy going to.

Tonight is leftover night. We have soup from Monday night and a turkey tenderloin from last night to finish up along with some veggies that will go bad soon, so salads galore people! I'll be happy with just the soup though, it's a cheese tortellini with tons of veggies and it turned out delicious this time around.

I'd say my only problem really is I feel like it's so hard to budget for healthier eating. Veggies and fruits are more expensive and we're so broke lately that I feel like the more I spend on that, the less we have to save towards baby related things and activities. Oh well, guess I just need to plan better and look at sales more often.

I want a baby. I want a baby like there's no tomorrow. We've been trying for almost two years. My body is broken and I just want it to work like normal girls. We finally got all the infertility testing done and it's me, all me. But nothing they can diagnose, I'm a "freak." Hubby was perfect, very high count and good motility. We decided to start treatment in February, I can't wait, every day seems to drag until I can start taking the Provera and bring on AF.

Meanwhile it's time to lose some weight. It may or may not help the IF problem but hell it can't hurt anything, right? Three years ago I lost 42 lbs on Weight Watchers and why fix what isn't broken, right? So I'm going to try Weight Watchers again. If I stick with it, I can do it, it's just a matter of not being lazy and mindlessly eating. Today was my first day back on plan and I'm doing great. I had pumpkin yogurt, a recipe I found over on http://www.greenlitebites.com/, that was very good, like eating a pumpkin pie for breakfast without the crust, along with some fruit. Lunch was grilled chicken, whole wheat pasta and an Italian veggie medley salad I found in Kraft's magazine awhile back and have been wanting to try. Dinner is a Veggie & Tortellini soup, surprisingly I'll still have 7ish points left for the day, so I'll sneak in some milk and a late night snack.

I was already doing yoga that I just tried out last month (and loooooove) and started running again, which always makes me feel better when I can find the time for it. Yoga is tonight and I had my bag packed but my windshield broke last night. My appointment is at 4, Yoga is at 5 just down the road, so as long as it's over in time I'll be fine, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it if I can't make it there, you can't go in class once it has started.

My goal is to lose 60 lbs. Now some would say that's still too big for my height but I wore two pieces with confidence at that weight (not that I've ever had a self-confidence issue, Ms. In Love With Herself), that is a weight that makes me happy and that I feel good at. Besides, any smaller and I'd lose this lovely pair of tata's God gifted me with. But that will put me at 150 and I loved the 150's.

I realize that I'm doing two things that counteract each other, but if one helps the other then so be it. And besides, it could be eons before I finally get pregnant, so why not make my body as healthy as can be in the process, and besides that way I won't be a total fatty when I finally get pregnant.

I'm going to keep all this up and hope for the best. Next month it's onto baby-making!