I'm 29 today. What a way to celebrate my birthday. My ass didn't leave the couch until about 4:30 p.m.ish when I decided I needed a shower at least. Hubby wanted to take me out for a quick dinner before my classes tonight, so we went to Olive Garden (because I wanted Tiramisu). It was nice to get out. We came home and my back started hurting bad and I'm cramping on the left side where they removed the ectopic, so I'm skipping school. I'm quite the slacker these days.
My weekend was spent resting and we went to my brother-in-law's for dinner to celebrate my birthday. I wanted simple, burgers, fries and Caesar salad. My BIL also made some strawberry banana daiquiris. My mom and dad gave me a gift certificate for a Miche bag, since I've been wanting one along with some cash. I got gift cards and cash from everyone else. The gift cards are all to Bed Bath & Beyond. I told everyone there's a few things I want there, including a pasta pot with a strainer, a new wooden cutting board and I've been eyeing a wooden salad bowl. So I'll be going shopping in the next few weeks.
It's back to work tomorrow, don't know how I'm going to do, but I'll try my best. People know what's going on and I ran into one of my detectives at the grocery store yesterday, he was so kind about it but I'm scared to break into tears in front of people. Our work is tight knit and it got out before I could even keep it a secret, I didn't want people to know, but they do.
I feel so empty right now. I know I wasn't pregnant that long, but I feel like there is just something missing from me. I keep eating, even when I'm not hungry. I feel stuffed, but it's like I just can't shake this feeling. I'm miserable and I just wish it didn't have to be this hard to get pregnant. I'm crying over the littlest thing and feeling ridiculous about everything. Hubby was downstairs yesterday morning, let the dogs out and was going to make breakfast, I was upstairs by myself and I just lost it, I started crying and he ran upstairs to see what was wrong, I can't explain that I just want my baby, I want both of them. I've lost two already and feel like such a failure that I can't do what normal everyday women do all the damn time. My body aches to hold these babies and just be normal. I asked hubby the other night if he thought these babies were girls or boys, he thinks they were both girls. I think the first was a girl but this one would have been a boy.
I told myself I would get off the computer at 9:00 and spend the rest of the evening with my sexy hubby, who I can't have sex with right now :-( So I'm going to go cuddle up next to him and try and forget these pains in my abdomen.
No comments:
Post a Comment