BFN

Another BFFN. I was so confident this cycle. I had one nice size follicle on the left side, we had sex on the right days and I took care of myself so well and here we are 15dpo and a BFN.

I'm crushed. I didn't think we'd ever have to go this far. Now I wait for AF and later this week I'll start giving myself injections. I talked to Jen, my RE's nurse, yesterday. She's great. We talked about the Compassionate Care program application and she told me it would be fine to add an IUI to the next cycle. The cost is only $250, which is better than I was planning on ($400-500). I'm just in limbo at this point waiting to hear about the application and for AF to show up.

I drove home last night with tears pouring down my face, I honestly didn't think we'd have to take it this far. I always knew I'd have problems based on the ovarian cysts and the lack of a period, but I guess I was naive in thinking things would work themselves out.

I'm also tired of the advice. It goes beyond people just telling me to relax. I actually had a woman tell me that she and her husband had problems getting pregnant and she has a thing for men dressed in a tuxedo. She said one night they went to a hotel and he was dressed up and it just made her so turned on and she's positive that's the night they conceived and it was all because she was attracted to him...really? Because for the last three years I haven't been attracted to my husband, I just had sex with him to produce a baby. I understand that people don't know what to do or say and may feel awkward about hearing about your infertility but think about what you say or just say something like, "I'm sorry you have to go through this." Leave it at that, don't give me advice when you haven't been through this yourself.

I had another woman I know tell me that I wouldn't be able to know if I wasn't ovulating because I'm not a doctor. Thanks, because the fact that I don't get a period and I know more about my body than her means nothing. This coming from a woman that got pregnant while "on the pill" and then her other two were conceived the first month she tried with each of them. If she said that to me this late in my journey I'd probably have told her to kiss my ass and walked away but I was still young and dumb at the time.

Sorry for the rant, I just had a lot on my chest about this. I was trying to be so optimistic this cycle and now I feel like I'm lying on the ground with the rug pulled out from underneath me.

In other news 26 days until I go to Vegas.